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As I am writing this reflection, the sun is finally shining blessing the once snow-covered Middlebury College with a sense of life, a sense of revitalization. As the year begins, I look back at the challenges I faced during my freshman year. No one ever talks about imposter syndrome around here, but everyone feels it. The first-generation college students, the low-income students, the students of color... they all feel it. But no one ever talks about it.

For months, I questioned my place at this school. Would my grade, a B minus, affect my place here? Why did one of my classmates complain about getting an A minus? It was exhausting. It was draining being in conversations with peers who seem to have their whole lives planned out and perform well in such a competitive environment. I quickly burnt myself out trying to fuel my machine, thinking I was in the same race as everyone else. But, all this time, I was not.

I am not in the same race as my peer from Pakistan, as my peer from Venezuela, or my peer from South Africa, or my peers from the U.S. I, unfortunately, invested in the wrong race. My race is for me, against me. A graduating senior told me one day during our working shift, “if you do everything you can... if you do your best, then you should go to bed feeling proud because you did your best; whatever the outcome is, someone else’s success does not equate to your failure.”

I picked myself up. I participated and performed in Middlebury’s Fall dance concert. I was involved in the annual International Student Organization show. I became part of an urban dance crew called Evolution and quickly became one of the choreographers. I became a mentor for new international students. My friend and I came up with a proposal and we were selected to lead a trip for Middlebury students to Atlanta, Georgia. I recently became an active member of Middlebury’s Cross-Fit club as well as the Southeast Asian Student Society. I am a member of the school’s Box Office Team at the Mahaney Arts Center and the MiddRides Program - an evening transportation service for students and faculty.

It took a lot of self-reflection for me to find my truths, but now I’ve found my place at Middlebury and I am so excited about the endless opportunities that await me this year. For those of you heading to college, always remember that it is ok to be overwhelmed and lost. But also remember that a labyrinth always has a way out. Never doubt your place at school. You are meant to be there. Navigate the space, find your truths and always remember that they will lead you back to your purpose.

Thank you Seiha ’18 for your insights about the first year at college in the USA.